COURAGE

Autumn is here.  

I love the Autumn. A time of new possibility, of learning, ripeness & harvest, releasing the old and preparing for the new.

Back to school for the little ones on exciting adventures. In business it's a great time to take stock, plan, review and spring into action with renewed vigour.

For me, today - September 12th - marks a year since our littlest daughter Bella Boo was diagnosed with leukemia. An important milestone, time to reflect on what she has been through, what lies ahead, how we have changed as a family and how we have survived many dark and difficult days. A kaleidescope of images and conversations fill my mind as I sit peacefully in wonderment at how different our lives are today from one year ago. Last Autumn was a dark and terrifying time for me. This Autumn we embrace the opportunity for a fresh start. We have hope now and that fills our hearts with joy.

In a timely opportunity for celebration, I have travelled away this week on a retreat with the Empress collective, a group of entrepreneurial women coming together to make a huge impact in the world (HERE). It was a wonderful experience and one I will no doubt write more about in future blog posts. It was a few days full of sunshine, laughter, tears, vulnerability, boldness and love. 

Whilst immersed in the Empress experience, I learnt something very interesting from a special lady, Susie Heath.

She gifted me the word Courage to explore. And she informed me that the word comes from the French root "cour" or "couer" meaning Heart.

Literally, Rage of the Heart.

Courage has always been a concept which has fascinated me (although Susie didn't know this at the time of our conversation). From a young age I've been inspired by acts of greatness, people who push past limits, the magic in the power of tenacity & determination & love. Two of my favourite modern day writers are Brene Brown and Elizabeth Gilbert, who write regularly about Courage.

People have labelled me as courageous and I've shied away from it, telling myself that many of my acts of "courage" have been a matter of circumstance. Shrugging my shoulders - "I had no choice but to do that thing. Anyone would have done the same." Not acknowledging my own greatness.

Rage of the Heart. Wow. I love the image that depicts.

A passion, a determination, a burning desire to fix something, overcome something, be something or reach something. Something which your heart (or intuition) is telling you to do. Sometimes your heart is whispering, other times your heart is shouting. Sometimes we hear and choose not to listen. Other times it's so loud that the RAGE EXPLODES fiercely. A Mother Lion protecting her young, par example. Such power.

As women, we are often taught to contain anger or rage. It's seen as a somewhat negative emotion, which we should hide and conceal. It's hard to express our anger, for fear we might get labelled as volatile or dangerous or moody or a bad influence. 

Many of us were taught to be a Good Girl. To do as we were told. To conform, to fit in, not to draw attention to ourselves. Be seen and not heard. To accept things as they are and not try and change them. Don't rock the boat. Stay where it's safe. The comfort zone is a great place to be, right? Do what is expected.

Rage of the heart.

What is it that You care about so passionately that you are moved to tears? If you feel anger or rage, then there is usually a call to action in there...which all too often in humankind, goes unanswered. It makes me think of the beautiful Dr Seuss line :

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
Nothing is going to get better. It's not.”

Dr Seuss, The Lorax

Let's face it, nothing good ever got done in this world without a healthy dose of passionate rage. Think of the Braveheart film and in particular Mel Gibson's interpretation of the rousing speech on the battlefield. The fabulous lifestyle coach Susan Kate (whose very courage drew me to her in the busy, noisy online world) asked me recently ....What if Braveheart had just quietly said..."hey, guys, anyone want to fight here? Like maybe we should do something? What do you think? No? Anyone want to help me? Where are you running to? I really think maybe we should do something??....Anyone? No....OK...." Without a big injection of passionate rage, a whole different history would have unfolded.

The trilogy of books "The Bronze Horseman" by Paullina Simons touched me deeply, as it tells the courageous story of people living through war & unthinkable tragedy. It reminded me that the human spirit is powerful and very, very hard to kill. We each have deep resilience inside of us. 

So I have been reflecting on what Courage means, to me, especially on a day when I honour my beautiful daughters & celebrate my own greatness and that of my warrior husband.

Ruby & Bella, September 2015

Courage means you have to get up when you are knocked down, to be prepared to put your head above the parapet or dig deep when you feel you have no resources left. Keep on keeping on. "Just Keep Swimming" for those of you who love Finding Nemo/Dory.

Courage means showing up. It means letting yourself be seen. It means being vulnerable and sharing your beliefs, fears, feelings - in the full knowledge that others may not agree or like what you are doing or saying. It means really accepting that you feel the power of something, you want to engender change, you desire to move past fear or limitations by refusing to run or hide. 

Courage means having a strong sense of belief that what you are doing is right - even when others tell you it is wrong. (Sometimes the "chimp" in your head may also be telling you it is wrong, so you have to tune in really strongly to your heart and listen to what feels true.)

Courage is choosing to create instead of destroy. Choosing love instead of hate. Choosing to stand strong instead of running away. 

Courage is being You - even when you are not sure exactly who You are right now.

Courage is swimming away from the shoreline - even though you can't yet see what's over the horizon.

Courage is being prepared to fail - even when (or especially when) others are watching. 

It takes courage to act. It takes courage to start over. It takes courage to get back up. 

I have learnt this week that one of the most important things about courage is simply accepting and believing that it is deep inside of all of us and knowing that we have the power to use it anytime we wish.

We are all infinitely more courageous than we could ever give ourselves credit for. 

Every day this year, my little girl Bella has helped to teach me this. She is teaching me Rage of the Heart. 

Courage means watching and holding your little girl undergo surgery and chemotherapy and invasive procedures, and pinning her down whilst she shouts "Mama Mama No Mama No" and your heart breaks in a million pieces.  Not knowing whether she will survive to see her next birthday or her first day at school or her wedding day but still finding the strength to laugh and be Elsa from Frozen and do a silly bum dance on demand. Courage means leaving your little girl in the care of others so that you can recharge, reflect, be held, be loved, refill your own energies in order to survive another day. Courage means believing and daring to hope that the glass snowglobe will not shatter whilst the bits of snow fly around and the beautiful image inside is obscured and unseen. Courage is holding tight to a image of stillness and dreaming of beautiful boring normality when the world is imploding all around you. Courage is asking for help when you can't find the words to speak, and asking the questions even when you don't want to know the answers. 

Courage is being alive enough to know that it doesn't matter what happened to us yesterday. What matters is what happens next. We each need to live each day as if it were our first. Full of wonderment, curiosity, bravery and acceptance. (Thank you, with all my heart, Gosia Gorna x)

Don't give up, don't give in.

Just keep swimming. 

In gratitude, today, and every day.

Thank you for reading to the end. May you have the courage to be You. 

R x

Mummy and Boo, September 2016