RIPPLE

One of the first times I spoke on stage, with a very personal story, I was nervous.

It was September 2007

…anxious, heart racing, not really in control of my emotions at all…😵‍💫

I was already an experienced presenter and trainer and facilitator - lawyering in courtrooms, chairing meetings, training rooms full of people - for over a decade at that point.

But telling a personal story on stage - that’s hard.

It’s personal.
And it’s difficult if you haven’t actually yet emotionally healed from the trauma of what you’re sharing with people.

For me, I was talking about the death of my brother Dave. He died in a car accident when he was just 20 years of age. And it was only a few years later when I agreed to talk at this event.

I had agreed to talk about resilience and recovering from difficult events.

I hadn’t sought help to craft my message.
I hadn’t practised my talk (except with myself)
And I hadn’t thought through the structure of my ‘story’ or how to provide value to the listeners.

Essentially I was willing to wing it.
I just went up there and I spoke from the heart.

And as a speaker, it was a bit of a disaster.
😢 My emotions got the better of me and I shed some tears
⏰ I lost my way a bit and had to come to an abrupt end because time ran out
👩‍💼 the audience were ‘professionals’ who were probably expecting safe topics about being passed over for promotion

When I left the stage, I knew I’d made a mess.
I felt embarrassed and had a massive ‘shame and vulnerability hangover’ (as Brene Brown would call it) for sharing too much of myself.

I hid in the toilets for a while.

Eventually I put my game face on and went to re-join the event, which was now on a coffee break. Lots of women milling around. I felt lonely and defeated.

Then one of the event team came over to me and brought a young woman who had asked to speak to me. She was introduced as Cassie and I noticed straightaway she had beautiful eyes but they looked sad and empty.

Cassie thanked me for my talk. She told me that her brother had died just a month earlier and her world had fallen apart. She had been dragged to the event by a well meaning friend who was concerned because she hadn’t left the house for weeks.

And Cassie told me she’d been feeling low, that life felt hopeless and pointless. But she said that listening to me talk had helped her feel hopeful again. Had helped remind her that she is strong, that Life has to go on, that she could feel that her brother would want her to keep going.

There was more to that conversation - it was beautiful. And I often think of Cassie. I gave her my email address and told her to message me if she needed anything. She never did. I hope she went on to lean on her friends, her work colleagues, to piece her life back together.

Just like I have had to do.

I’ve gone on to get help with my grief and my healing process. I’ve shared parts of my story about Dave on stages since - more powerfully and effectively - and I’ve made videos about it because I do want to help people to overcome their own adversities and I know Dave would want me to do it.

That first attempt was a mess, but I don’t regret it.
I learnt a lot.
It helped Cassie 🙌🏼
If our efforts to be brave end up helping just one person - whether in a small or a huge way - it will always be enough.
It can create a ripple effect that is powerful 🌊

Thank you for reading this story to the end 🫶🏻
Maybe there’s a message you want to share and you’ve not had the courage yet.
Is it time?