YOUR BEAUTIFUL VOICE

I love to sing.

When I was a child I wanted to be an actress, a singer, a west end star. I just adored being on stage, the ability to be transformed into different characters and be part of a journey into another time or place and persona. And singing, well it just felt like an extension of me - as easy as breathing or eating or laughing. 

I was lucky enough to have parents, my mum in particular, who thought I was a wonderful actress & singer. I have no idea whether I actually was. Parenting, when done well, has the power to instill in the child an unshakeable belief in their own unique brilliance. 

My parents died - suddenly and within 6 months of each other - in 1998 when I was 20 years old. At the time I was at University studying Law, and if you've read earlier blogs of mine you will know  that I only went off to study law because my parents (and my teachers) had encouraged me that as a straight-A student I needed a solid profession.

I was harbouring a secret dream that I'd be discovered by an undercover talent scout and whisked off to the West End stage.

But when my parents died, that dream died too. And whilst I didn't realise it at the time, I suddenly didn't believe I was so uniquely brilliant anymore either. I lost sight of my own self and my light was dulled (though fortunately not snuffed completely). 

From a practical perspective, I was thrown into a new world of responsibility as I had to take care of my younger brother, then 13. From a personal perspective, I lost the ability to sing. I wasn't aware of it at the time but sub-consciously, in the midst of sadness and grief I just stopped singing. It was many years before I began singing in the shower again, but also many years before I found the confidence & courage to sing in public again. Another perspective is that singing made me happy, and it was something I had shared with my mum, and without her around I just lost touch with both happiness and singing. 

I quite literally lost my voice. I became a lawyer and practised law for many years. It won't surprise you to know that there isn't much singing done in the corridors of law firms.

For over 10 years I didn't sing. It's such a shame, because as the wiser, older version of me I now know that this could have helped me heal my pain so much faster. 

And for over 10 years I conformed to life as a lawyer, to life as a woman in corporate world where so many issues of equality & diversity remain greatly unresolved. I've lost count of the number of board meetings and executive events where I have not spoken out against issues which infuriated me or frustrated me. So many meetings where I have been the only woman in a room full of men and someone has asked me to pour the tea.

This loss of voice was not just showing itself in my hiding away from singing. It was showing itself as I boxed myself in, conformed to the environment, kept quiet to avoid standing out. 

All around me the situation was the same for so many women. I watched my role models leave the law as they were turned down in their requests for flexible working, passed by for promotion, criticised for leaving early to make nursery closing time, exhausting themselves in their attempts to keep the plates in the air without making a fuss.

The women in the corporate professions are a mass of quiet voices. Compromise Agreements signed in quiet rooms, followed by hushed conversations in the cafes with our prams. 

What then happens is the loss of confidence. The majority of women I know who have come out of their careers after being unable to create balance, are left doubting themselves and their abilities. Feeling to blame. Not good enough. Couldn't hack it. And the longer we stay out of the workplace, the harder it becomes to harness back to our unique abilities and talents in order to find our voice and sing our happiness out again. 

In 2009, whilst pregnant with my first daughter, I left corporate life to become an entrepreneur. I had seen enough to know that I was going to create MY OWN LAW and RULES of work.

My  legal consultancy (Serenwood) was born and at its heart was the mission to deliver exceptional service to clients by bright talented highly motivated humans that care about outcomes and impact. We set out to challenge the paradigm of presenteeism, which says that a professional person has to be in the office 12 hours a day in order to serve its clients. My team worked with autonomy and freedom, on the sole proviso that the client they serve at any given time receives a exceptional level of service. How they did that, was up to them. I trusted them.

In the years that followed, it has remained of utmost importance to me that my daughters see me using my voice to speak with honesty and integrity on issues that I care about and championing equality and diversity in the workplace. 

In the same year - 2009 - I also joined the wonderful White Rosettes (current European and 15 xtimes British women's barbership champions, based in Leeds where I live). At this time, it had been over 10 years since I had sung in public. My audition was absolutely dire, I was so nervous my voice was shaking with fear. Luckily our brilliant MD Sally must have spotted potential in me because she let me in and has continued to nurture and inspire me (and all 70+ chorus singers) since. She is an excellent example of a women who has manoeuvred herself into alignment with her unique talent and purpose in life (but that's another story).

Thanks to the White Rosettes,  I rediscovered my singing voice & allowed my confidence on (and off) stage to bloom. I gave myself permission to be happy singing again. I don't dwell on the fact that I resisted this out of my life for so long. It matters not what happened yesterday, but what we do with our tomorrows. I hope to sing now for many years ahead and I get so much happiness from being part of this community.

In my coaching practice, one of my deepest desires is to help my clients find their voice again.

Your own unique inner voice. And consequently your out-loud voice, the way you show up and present yourself in the world, the confidence and certainty of purpose which then magically allows you to find your place and purpose in the world. 

Remember:

Less than 100 years ago our suffragette sisters were fighting for our vote. Only 100 years earlier, many of us women would have been housemaids or scullery maids and we would have been married off against our will, uneducated, existing without a voice in the home or the community. In the 16th/17th century women lived in fear, many died in childbirth, suffered poverty and ill-treatment.

Without going back too far into history let's just take a moment to accept and celebrate that here in the western world we live today in a very privileged time in history. As western women we have a unique opportunity to speak up, step up, influence, create solutions to the many complex problems which face us and our children.

Yet so many of us still choose not to (whether knowingly or not). We ignore our own voice & we continue to live lives where we deprive ourselves of the things we actually love doing. We let fear and doubts hold us back. 

I believe that if we don't find our voice, we are not only betraying ourselves and our children, but also doing a disservice to those women who have gone before us. 

If you can't do it for YOU (and many women share this problem - we are brought up to be selfless and do things predominantly for others) then can you find your voice for them? Can you find your voice for your sisters and for your children?

What voice do you have inside you which you have hidden either consciously or sub consiously for too many years? What fears are keeping you back from being the person you want to be or doing the things you believe you are meant to do?

Or maybe it's just as simple as giving yourself permission to do the things you love. Finding time to rediscover things which make you happy instead of conforming to what is expected of you by others. 

Is it time to find your beautiful voice?

With love

Rachel x